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Fragile Mind
Fragile Mind
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_92.webp "A married man says he became âobsessedâ with another woman after meeting her at a course - but his wife has since forgiven him after realising it âwasnât his faultâ.<br/><br/>Ruth Perl, 58, and her husband David, 64, have spent 13 years recovering from the incident.<br/><br/>David never acted on his feelings towards the person he fancied - but he chose to tell the woman after confiding in Ruth.<br/><br/>He started researching an emotional experience known as âlimerenceâ - which means intrusive, romantic thoughts about another person. <br/><br/>David realised his feelings were unwanted - he had no control over them and wasn't interested in beginning an affair with the woman. <br/><br/>After telling Ruth about his realisation, the couple spent time rebuilding their relationship - and say theyâre happier than ever.<br/><br/>David, a couplesâ therapist from St. Albans, Herts., said: âIt wasnât a normal crush, it was weird and disturbing - but weâve put in the years to heal ourselves since.<br/><br/>âIt was a difficult one - I did end up telling the other person, as I was encouraged to do so through therapy.<br/><br/>âI think she was horrified - in hindsight, it was really unfair to put that on her.<br/><br/>âBut itâs all about forgiveness, weâve done the work and are happier than ever.â<br/><br/>David met the woman he developed feelings for on January 14, 2011 - after chatting to her at a training course.<br/><br/>Their conversation lasted less than 20 minutes, but David could feel he was âbesottedâ by her - without being able to put a finger on why.<br/><br/>âIâve had crushes before,â he added. âWe both have. But nothing like this - this was really unusual.â<br/><br/>David thought about her, night-and-day, for weeks.<br/><br/>He looked online at forums about âobsessive loveâ - and came across a post about limerence.<br/><br/>He said: âI thought, 'jeez, this is what Iâve got to a T.'<br/><br/>âSomethingâs not right - I was absolutely obsessed and I only spoke to her for 20 minutes.<br/><br/>âI kept going over every single word she said to me, every little action.<br/><br/>âThe moment Iâd wake up, Iâd rehearse in my head what I might say to her if she came up to talk to me.<br/><br/>âIâd experience soaring highs if she replied to an email - and extreme lows if she didnât.<br/><br/>âIt was like an intermittent reward.â<br/><br/>Knowing the feeling wasnât going to go away any time soon, he decided to tell Ruth - who also works as a couplesâ therapist.<br/><br/>She said: âDavid told me, and this was all going on about five days after my dadâs funeral.<br/><br/>âI was in horrific grief at the time, and so my first thoughts were: âOh, for godâs sake. How can you be so bloody stupid?â<br/><br/>âMy dad had just died, and my husband wanted to p*ss off into fantasy land.<br/><br/>âWe went into freefall, and it was a very, very difficult 12 months.â<br/><br/>After choosing to concentrate on grieving for her dad for a year, Ruth says she âfinally had the brain capacityâ to sit down with David, and ask him what was going on.<br/><br/>He hadnât acted on his feelings - and actively decided he wouldnât âconsummateâ the crush.<br/><br/>âDavid reached out to me,â Ruth said. âHe asked me, âplease help me understand whatâs going on.â<br/><br/>âHe was so confused. I asked him if he still wanted to be married, and he said, âI donât want to throw away what weâve got.â<br/><br/>âI told him to sit in the confusion, and Iâd do what I could to support him.<br/><br/>âBut I knew that what will be will be, we might not necessarily make it out of this.â<br/><br/>David said: âWe started having marriage counselling - and one thing I want to stress is it isnât an excuse to cheat.<br/><br/>âI was responsible for what I did - but it did make me realise that often, people donât set out to have an affair.â<br/><br/>David explored some of the ways therapists encourage people to âhealâ from limerence - including starving themselves from contact, or consummating it with the other person.<br/><br/>He settled on going to therapy, and letting the woman know he couldnât speak to her anymore.<br/><br/>Now, David and Ruth help other couples going through the same thing - and have taught their children, Hannah-Mai, 32, and Isobel, 29, how to value their own relationships.<br/><br/>Ruth said: âIt was important our two daughters knew about all this.<br/><br/>âThey were older teenagers when this was all going on, and they understood it.<br/><br/>âWe thought it was very important for them to understand that all marriages have differences - but you donât throw the towel in when the going gets tough.<br/><br/>âEven when youâre talking about a full-blown physical affair. Once is a mistake, twice is a habit.â")
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_kimono-kyoto-to-catwalk-opens-at-vampa-dundee.webp "Europeâs first major exhibition on kimono opens to the public on Saturday 4 May at V&A Dundee.<br/> <br/>Kimono: Kyoto to Catwalk presents the kimono as an iconic garment and a dynamic, ever-evolving icon of fashion, tracing the influence of the kimono from 17th century Japan to present-day cutting-edge couture and street fashion across the world.<br/> <br/>In the exhibition, rare 17th and 18th century kimono are displayed alongside modern designs from Issey Miyake, Yohji Yamamoto, and Alexander McQueen. The kimonoâs recent reinvention on the streets of Japan is also explored through work by a new wave of contemporary designers and stylists.<br/> <br/>Arguably the ultimate symbol of Japan, the kimono is revered within the country as the embodiment of national culture and internationally regarded with fascination. This symbolic status, and the fact that its basic form has remained consistent over the centuries, means that that the kimono is often viewed as a simple, timeless garment. Kimono: Kyoto to Catwalk counters that conception, revealing how the kimono has always been a dynamic item of fashionable dress that has been restyled consistently throughout its history, influencing modern fashion and popular culture, from evening wear and festival fashion, to rock stars and Star Wars.")
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